His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
