1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
