the condom got lost in my hair
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Your shirt... Was in my pants
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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