Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize