Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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