I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
