Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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