My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
