actually, I'm a sock model
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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