All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
