My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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