I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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