just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
