i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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