So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
