I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
