They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
