dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
