i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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