we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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