i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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