Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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