You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
