Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
everyone is single if you try hard enough
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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