Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
