You smell like a Billy Joel song
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
