I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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