so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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