I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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