I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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