I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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