paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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