anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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