my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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