and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
