You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
