if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
