yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
