I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I love you. Go after that dick
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize