I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
