god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
