dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
