a queef is a wish your heart makes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
