There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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