got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ugly people sure do ruin things
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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