Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
