What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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