RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
