the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You made out with two different species that night
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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