my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
