My balls are so social today.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
