My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
