You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
