Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
