OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
