If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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