glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
