Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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