i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
