Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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