I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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