worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
