Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
