Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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