Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize