I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
