I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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