I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
